The Envy as a Tool
She has a talent, and I don’t. He can go out publicly and say: «This is my opinion!» But I cannot. She has a great figure and a face without acne, and I have 50 extra pounds and a mortgage loan. He is in demand and famous, but I do not. I'm a beggar, mediocre, miserable. And he is bright, rich and cool.
The envy. This is a very complex, deep and multi-layered feeling. It stands alongside with such representatives of the realm of the inner world as insecurity, rancor, revenge, passive aggression, fury, intrigue. This feeling, which can be either weak or very powerful. It flashes only for a moment or enslaves the entire personality of a person. Black, cruel, wild, burning, fierce ... white, quiet, secret. How many epithets can be selected for it. True Drama Queen of the realm of emotions. A monster hidden in a dark forest inside.
The basis of envy lies in the construction: I want what the other person has, but I cannot get it.
This construction can stimulates to the competition and new achievements. It can nails you to the floor, introducing into procrastination and depression. The envy can push to the crime in the form of causing material or physical damage to this asshole, who has what must be mine and only mine! And of course it provokes a passive but no less dangerous aggression.
No one can live with her peacefully. She will in any case force a person to do something. But WHAT exactly depends on the person himself.
Is it possible to see the envy? Yes, certainly. From it, as from a stone thrown into the water, there are circles, very distinctly distinguishable in behavior:
- criticism, constant aggressive comments, advice «out of place», groundless attacks,
- manifestations of passive aggression: causeless grievances, blackmail, play on your feelings,
- the devaluation of successes and achievements, belittling of your merits,
- it provoking into you the insecurity, helplessness and inability to decide anything,
- unwillingness to talk about topics or topics of interest to you,
- uncomfortable questions from the envious person, that put you in an awkward position,
- the gossips, denigrating and ridiculing you in front of others,
- theft of your ideas, the imitation in creativity, work, appearance, manner of speech,
- theft of your material resources, deception and so on.
The envy, like love, is obedient to all ages, races and social statuses. The old envies the young, the man envies the woman, the parent envies his child, the teacher to the student, the wife to the husband, the husband to the wife, the sister to the sister, the rich to the poor, the poor to the rich ... Such a variety of combinations generates very grotesque situations. Up to the point of absurdity, to understand the reality of which can only the one who has come across something similar — emerging from a common understandable scenario.
For example, no one will be surprised by the situation in which one girl envies to another, that she has a husband, son, new suspension, that her life is beautiful and comfort. But a great surprise can be caused by a story in which a successful man envies a woman because of her youth, beauty, talent and sexuality. And he envies her so much that he is ready to destroy her reputation and business. Strange situation? Or maybe quite real?
The envy grows from a feeling of worthlessness, inferiority and painful self-perception. Therefore, the biggest envious people are people with an unhealthy ego, whose problems they want to solve at the expense of another person. They are jealous, greedy, irresponsible and lazy. They are constantly not satisfied with their lives, and prone to whining and blaming others for all their troubles. These are people with unstable self-esteem, which can turn into trouble not only for themselves, but for their environment.
The reverse side of envy is idealization and admiration. When a person literally gets attached to you. He cannot get enough of you and, he throws everything at your feet, takes you to the best places, saying thousands compliments and wants to be in touch with you 24/7. This blind enthusiasm, mixed with idolatry, must be distinguished from a good sincere attitude — in terms of the intensity of passion and the speed of development of the plot. After all, at any time, this idealization can turn into a very cruel depreciation, in which you will find yourself no longer on a cozy sofa, but in a cauldron with sulfur, amidst intrigues and scandals.
If you are envy, you always have a choice — what to do about it. My choice is working with myself. If I see something that causes a rush of burning envy in me, I try to understand to what I began to envy, what to do with it, and how to turn the situation in my favor. For example, to understand how a person to whom I envy has done what i want in my life. Without devaluing the merits of the person himself, but with analysis and attention to the mechanism of what is happening. I envy to the Beyonce body, and immediately begin to think: how exactly did she become so beautiful? For sure, with help of physical exercises and everyday efforts. Therefore, if I often go in for sports and will not eat bad food, then I can look good too — not like Beyonce. But as the best version of myself.
For me this is a very fascinating process, because at some point I even fell in love with my envy. It gives me some very steep thrusts in my development.
If somebody is envious to you, you also have a choice what to do about it. Some people are very charged with envy to their direction, they are bathe in this ambiguous attention and even specifically provoke it. They feed by the negative, and I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this until it don’t break my personally borders.
Other people are feels embarrassed, they become sad, bad-surprised, down to the crumbling picture of the world. They are not accustomed to negativity, they did not think that they have something «valuable» that can be envied, and very sensitively perceive all of the above envy symptoms in their direction. If everything is good, such a person can eventually «build up еру armor» and learn how to deal with his envious persons. If everything is bad, the person will close in itself and go out like a candle in the wind.
To use the envy as a tool. Probably, the choice that I made in relations with my «green-burning» envy pushed me to such specific approach to it. As a tool that you can use for your own benefit. I'm not talking about the idle enjoyment of shit streams and negativity. I'm talking about a conscious attitude about it.
The envy of others will point to all your existing or potentially strong sides and manifestations. It can be at first sight very mediocre, strange or unimportant moments, but, believe me, if people are jealous because you have straight legs or stable work — start paying close attention for these «usual» moments. Perhaps, it is some sacred power is hidden there. For example, people are envious that you can say «no» when you don’t want to do something. Hence, through this «no» the quality that exists in you is manifested — the ability to defend your psychological boundaries, to say your opinion, not to accept something that does not suit you. This is one of the basic qualities of a healthy psyche that you have. And in it — not the everyday norm, but your strength. Pay attention to what your envious persons are paying particular attention to, and start to developing it.
The envy of others will show where you need to set the psy boundaries. Exactly to what a person envies in you will be subjected to the most attacks on his part. This will give a clear vision — where you need to put a reliable wall and security guard with swords and halberds. For example, a person constantly criticizes your family life, gives unsolicited advice on business, and always note that he is better in everything. The fact that this character is not all right with self-esteem and behavior is clear, but the fact that you allow him to behave like this — this is the good question. Which you can solve by building the necessary in this cases boundaries, because the attacks of this envious bastard are indicated so clear exactly where you have pierced or bent the walls of your personal protection.
The envy of others people will give you a very cool understanding of yourself. The fact that you can be angry, do not take something that you used to take, that you can defend your rights, fight for yourself, that you have self-esteem and a very clear idea of what it love, friendship, work, relationships, fun, communication, hobbies, pastime, the universe and the 42.
If we sum up: the envy of others will show you that you have something very valuable. And this valuable must be seen and loved. You need to «cooperate» with it and guard, like a jewel, regardless of how ordinary it seems to you before. In these qualities or material objects is hidden your RESURS, the potential, the strength and the pure energy that others people want to possess. And which you are already have.
I wish you the confidence and love to yourself. Be strong, rich, healthy, beautiful and happy. Have a nice day.
The author of the illustration and the text — Olga Rukina.
Olga Rukina illustration / Instagram / Facebook